Snake anatomy. Brehm’s Tierleben. 1920.
im in my digital editing class right now which is the only time i can use internet because my phone n computer got taken away. medications are going ok, we’re dropping from 7 meds to 3. i’m no longer taking xanax for anxiety, i’ve switched over to propanolol which doesnt make me as dopey and zoned out so that’s good. i was abusing the xanax for a second but being tired all the time got really old and it just made me sad so yeah. i’m making a lot of music, my 4-track is running constantly. often i will record drum beats on my 202 dr. groove then record and flip the tape over so iit’s all backwards and distorted. i’m typing really loud and im the only one using their keyboard in class so i feel like its obvious i’m not doing work but oh well. i really want a bike and i really want an iphone. maybe when i’m better my mama will help me out financially w/that. i’m super lonely here. i’m only allowed to hang out with my bandmate and he’s really hard to get in touch with so its usually just me in my room makin beats etc. once i get my computer back i’ll upload them. its like dark grimy electronic stuff but with trap beats and quiet singing over it. i can’t be too loud because there are little kids that live next door to me and they’re always crying. their dad just got shot in a drive by and he died a few days ago so they’re always crying and freaking out which i totally understand. i cry and freak out too sometimes. i dreamed about cutting 2 days in a row. it made me really upset because i woke up and i thought i had done it. i feel so crazy. but less so now that therapy and pills are working better. if theres anyone out there who is dealing with bipolar disorder who wants to talk about it i would be down 4 that. its pretty lonely all by myself at home with my thoughts. i miss being able to put them out on the internet. guess i’ll just keep sneaking it in class then ha. peace.
From The mystic test book; or, The magic of the cards. Giving the mystic meaning of these wonderful and ancient emblems in their relationship to the heavenly bodies, under all conditions; with rules and processes for reading or delineating the emblems by Olney H. Richmond, 1919.
Fig. 32. Solar eclipse. Lichtbilder nach der Natur. 1879.